Maybe I can have a salad instead? Review of Cooking Witch.

Here there be Taboos:
The premise is off-putting. It just is. The concept of cannibalism for any reason gives all of us a visceral reaction. Let’s go over the scene: You are playing a video game as an evil witch who eats children. Still sounds bad huh? Let’s keep going! The children are left out in the open around fireworks. The amazing parents only show up when they can get their fat butts out of the tent. They only bother when the kids ring a bell. The kids don’t even look like people. More like pumpkin headed, free range (and color coded) semi ambulatory pinatas. They don’t even look like the adults. Even if the concept still seems like a terrible idea for a game I will ask you to watch a mere 5 minutes of gameplay. Because as a game it holds itself quite well.

With that out of the way:
Graphically the game makes use of a healthy amount of effects coupled with very convincing pixel sprites. The lay of the level and the placement of your targets seems right on. The background deep woods aesthetic, tents and tall grass all lend to the idea these morons shouldn’t even be out here. The game zooms out when you move quickly and give you a good feel for the over all lay of the land. Graphically a wolf or bear jumping out and snatching your targets away before you can wouldn’t feel out of place. The particle effects do a good job of adding polish to the pixelated landscape. The moon also changes color which you might miss if you don’t look for it. Another nice visual touch.

Is that the Moonlight Sonata??
The title theme song is the classical music piece known as “The Moonlight Sonata” by Ludwig van Beethoven. The stage itself is backed by “Star and Stripes Forever” by John Philip Sousa. This matches up well enough with the fireworks and other pieces in the stage. The use of public domain music is an inspired choice I’ve not seen since “Little King’s Story”. If I ever manage to see another stage I hope it has “Entrance of the Gladiators” and coupled with more of a circus theme.

So is it any good?:
The short answer is YES. The game is fun and addictive. The unlocks are paced just right in my opinion. You can figure out a lot of the game by trial and error. I have suggested this game and will continue to in the future. Yes. Child eating witches are gross. If you are going to judge based solely on that then I don’t wanna see your name on the score board. Meanwhile Imma go deep fry some hicks who decided to camp in my dang forest, wee hee hee!

A mixed score:
As an indie title it scores a well deserved 7 out of 10. The game accomplishes all it sets out to do and manages to be fun regardless of one’s opinions on boiling pixelized kiddos.
As a game you can play in mixed company it scores a passable 3 out of 5. Considering how loud sensitive people have become in recent years you play this game openly at your own risk. It’s still kinda gross tho :3

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